Today I am hurting. I am grieving for a son. He in not dead. He is not far away, in fact he lives about a mile from here. He has just stopped being a son. I am waiting. Not daring to hope that he will ever be a part of my life again. Wondering why he has chosen a life of deceit. Cheating. Stealing. Lying. He is entangled with a woman who is dangerous. Controlling. Manipulative. Dangerous.
He has broken my heart. I wonder why he is who he is. I wonder why he prefers dishonesty to truth. I wonder why he has disowned his family and destroyed his sister's reputation. I wonder if he ever really loved us. I wonder if he ever really loved me. Or was he just playing a game? Laughing on the inside while he fed me lies and watched me believe them? Or is he so disturbed that he believes his lies? I don't know which is more upsetting. Which would I choose?
I am grieving. Over all the things I now know to be falsehood. I once trusted that he was telling me the truth. I am grieving. Over once having a loyal and protective son. Now there is a hole in my heart that he should be filling.I am grieving over a family now shattered by hurt, hate and distrust. Someday I hope that I can hope.
But not today. Today I am hurting.
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